The other day a lady said to me, watching my child play around, “If you could bottle that energy, I would like some of it.” I quickly responded, “If I could bottle that energy, I would use it.
Being the mom of busy youngsters, I always feel like I am ON. Like a switch with no OFF button. Not necessarily because they are so busy but because I feel like if I am not protecting them in all that busyness, they are going to get hurt.When we had our first child, like many new parents, I was on top guard. From the watchtower, I was ready for any kind of ambush.
Most parents can relate, you don’t want anyone to get too close to your little precious newborn because they might break. You smile through those uncomfortable moments when someone asks to hold your sweet darling as you kindly tell them they’re a bit fussy today. You don’t want anyone to breathe on them or they might get sick. The list goes on and on….it is exhausting just thinking about all those protective measures that we take.Between my first and second child we lost three during pregnancy, twins at 5 months and one at 8 weeks. So the reality of losing children had gone beyond a fear. When my second child arrived, I was nearly in full on panic mode. I was so fearful that something would happen to him and I was gripped by this fear.
I became hyper-helicopter momma. Everything my kids did had to meet my approval. It had to be safe and free from any chance of losing them.I was so gripped by the fear of something happening to them I would tell myself if anything did happen to them then I myself would die. I believed they would only be okay if they were in my constant care. I would be the one to keep them safe.
Most parents can relate to the fact that parenting comes with many fears.I not only feared losing them but feared something possibly happening to me. Then who would keep them safe? My husband is a great father but I couldn’t fathom who could take care of them when he was away?
I was absolutely afraid to die. I was afraid to leave my kids. I was afraid of all these unknown factors that I could not predict or control, and this fear had a tight grasp on my life.Fears or anxieties are often times things that have not yet happened to us. Maybe we fear our child falling and even if they have fallen they have not fallen more times than they have.
Some fear is okay. It keeps us alert and aware of some present dangers. Some fears, however, control our lives to the point of putting us in bondage to something that is out of our control.
I learned through grieving the loss of babies, God completely had His hand on me. I trusted Him to get me through a time I alone could not bear. I poured out my heart to Him, and he was always my safe landing place.
One of my favorite verses is Philippians 4:6-7, Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I could say this verse. I knew what it meant. I had seen the hand of God give me a peace that I could not comprehend and He had consistently guarded my heart and mind. I trusted His promise.But then it came to my kids that were in my hands. I wasn’t so sure that I could always keep them safe and I began trying to control every situation for fear of not being able to handle life if anything happened to them.
One night, after a Bible study discussion, I just started crying. I said to my grandma (who shares similar life circumstances) “I have been so afraid of losing my kids and I thought if anything would happen to them I would just die, literally die. Tonight I realized, I have already lost three children and I didn’t die. God rescued me. He protected me. He saved me then and He would do it again.”The fears that I was holding on to were not becoming a reality. I was so consumed by them, I couldn’t see clearly.
In reality, I had beautiful children. God, not me, was protecting them around the clock. Because as much as I hovered over them, their lives still were not in my grips. Their ultimate safety, as safe as I try to be, in not in my hands.I had to be able to release that fear so I could be the mom they needed me to be. I had to ask God for forgiveness for not trusting Him with these little lives. I had to be able to not only know the promises of God but I had to believe them to be true for my life.
Psalm 62:8 says, O my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge.
David reminds us in this Psalm to trust the Lord at ALL times. Does this mean with my children? Absolutely.We can continue to live with those fears that have a hold of us or we can be pour our hearts out to God. I love the promise that follows. For God is our refuge. He is our safe place.
Safety is a concern with our children but it is no longer my fear. I have released my fears to God. I have literally poured my heart out to Him and safely landed in His arms. I have decided my only option is to trust His love for my kids is greater than my own. He is not only my refuge but He is theirs.I am wondering if anyone reading this needs a safe place to land. Do you need a refuge or a place to pour out your heart? I urge you not to wait another moment, pour out your heart today.