It was Wednesday and in the hopes of pursuing “life as normal”, I went to church. I was my son’s class teacher and I thought we could use the break.
When we got to church, I felt the urge to go to the sanctuary to pray.
For the first time in my life, I felt the urge to be absolutely broken before my King and He called me to my knees.
Don’t get me wrong, I had cried out before to the Lord in desperation. But I had never come before Him when He has called me to surrender.
I had before me an unexplained loss and I thought I would come for answers. Wouldn’t you know it, when you bend your knee in surrender, He is willing to give you a few.
Tucked in the pew, on my knees, I looked at the cross that hung at the front of the church. As I began to shudder in tears, the words poured from my heart.
I don’t understand. Please help me to see.I know you and only you can make the tests wrong. You can prove to everyone you are a miracle worker.
I know I have strayed far from you and I am sorry.
Lord, only you know what happened, only you can make their hearts beat again.
Lord, only you know the outcome of this and can see how this is going to end and so now I want to surrender myself and my babies to you.
Lord, if they are sick, if they could not take this world then thank you and I love you for taking care of them and keeping them in your loving arms. Lord, they are far better off than I am.
If, you want me to take care of them, Lord, I would be honored and I will do what I can to be a good mom.
I am asking, Lord, in this moment that you do your will, not mine, but yours. If you are willing to take this from me, then I will promise to do my part in caring for them.
If it is your will, then I promise to love you no matter what your decision.
Over and over, I prayed. Over and Over, I submitted my will.
Not my will but yours be done. I promise to love you, no matter what.
As my heart wrenched, I said, Lord I ask for one thing. I ask that you give me peace beyond my understanding.
I walked out the sanctuary and into the rest of the week.
Friday came. We went for another ultrasound. The results. No heartbeats. As the doctor attempted to explain the procedure, I told him, I knew what they needed to do.
Because of the procedure, I was not able to see them. In an attempt to protect me, it took two grueling days.
I can’t explain my heartache but I can explain the overwhelming peace that was beyond my understanding.
The empty places in my heart that were reserved just for them, is filled with the love and peace of God that only He can offer.
A couple of years later, I was doing an in-depth study on the life of Jesus. What I saw in looking at my own past I, too, moved by the spirit, had my own Garden Prayer.
Before Jesus endured the cross, He went to the Garden of Gethsemane to pray.
As His soul was consumed with sorrow to the point of death, He fell facedown to the ground before His Father and prayed.
"Abba, Father," he cried out, "everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine." Mark 14:36 (NLT)
Then after returning from the disciples.
He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done." Matthew 26:42 (NIV)
God the Father could have taken the cup from Jesus. God could have chosen a different route. But Jesus bent His knee and will to His Father.
They knew it was the only way. He was the perfect and final sacrifice needed to bring us into a perfect relationship with the Father.
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds, we are healed. Isaiah 53:5 (NIV)
Why would He suffer?
For you and me!
So we could be brought into peace before our Heavenly Father. So we could be healed by His wounds.
Your story may not be the same as mine. But we have all suffered. In John 16:33 Jesus tells us in this world you will have trials and sorrows, but take heart, I have overcome the world!
Next week, I want to offer you more Hope that comes from healing and comfort from the Lord in our times of brokenness, hopelessness, and suffering. Please return for the final piece in this mini-series.
Before you go, leave us a comment. Have you had your own garden prayer? Have you had times in your life of utter brokenness and you were brought into peace through Jesus that you want to share?
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